Genny's Fab Diary

As I was binge watching my favorite mini series “Big Little Lies” again, the character Celeste’s relationship with her husband Perry, got me thinking about love and unhealthy relationships? I have had my fair share of relationships and the workings of inner and outer love, and I can boldly state in my opinion (you are free to disagree), that relationships aren’t supposed to be hard contrary to what music, Hollywood and our very own Nollywood portrays.  Love is not meant to be a struggle. Yes, popular songs make it sound like it’s supposed to be.  Movies also make it seem like it’s supposed to be.  But movies and music are wrong; love is meant to be effortless and easy. When it’s not, you’re doing it wrong!

If a relationship with someone makes you feel bad, that is your mind screaming, “This person is incompatible with you! Get away and stay away!

If a relationship feels like suffocation, that’s a huge clue that you’re not in a relationship with someone who’s compatible with you.

Good relationships are effortless 80% of the time with the occasional 20% when you have to put in the work to make sure things stay in a good place. You don’t feel like you’re walking on eggshells, worrying that you might screw something up.  You don’t feel like you’re suffocating, wishing and hoping to finally get some sweet relief and get to breathe. You aren’t afraid to lose them. In fact, you never even think about possibly losing them because you don’t feel you need to possess them in order to experience the love you have for them.

There is a huge difference between real, true love and unhealthy obsession or fixation… but it doesn’t always feel like that. Love and obsession are related in some aspects, the two can never be thought to be the same.

It is totally Ok to be infatuated with someone at the beginning of a relationship but with time that settles into a more relaxed form of attachment.
Love is a feeling when a person wants the best for the one you love, and always want them to be happy, even if they are not part of your life. On the other hand, obsession is a crazy feeling where the person wants the other to be his or her’s only. An obsessed person always thinks of having the beloved one on his or her side all day.

When you’re fixated on someone, it feels more like you’re suffocating. It feels like you need them… like you must have them treat you a certain way, give you a certain relationship title, or somehow prove their commitment to you. You feel like until you have this, you are not going to be Ok.  I’m not talking about the light banter “I’m obsessed with you” that we use in pop culture today.

Everyone experiences jealousy to a certain degree in a relationship. Fearing losing your partner or feeling threatened around other attractive people can be a sign that you care about your relationship. On the other hand, it can become a dangerous problem when jealousy becomes excessive, unwarranted and intrusive to the other person. What I’m trying to convey in essence is that love and obsession might look alike but it is important we identify and differentiate the two. Some unlucky people have suffered dire consequences of being in a relationship with an obsessive partner.

Thanks for reading!

Images sourced from the web

It should be known that Onyi Ukorah had a secret.
It wasn’t a very big secret, nothing that would bring down National Assembly or dethrone the president . . . nothing that would destroy my family or anyone else’s . . . but it was a rather hilarious secret personally—one I tried very hard to forget whenever I could…
I have attended a fantasy traditional marriage, I mean with the whole works like aseobi, gele etc, lol just so I could go on a weekend get away with friends. 

I wouldn’t say I’ve had an eventful life but to an extent my life has indeed been colorful.
I never knew there was a world outside my daily routine of living a sheltered life where all I knew was my family, school, church in that order, until an invitation to a weekend get away.  

You see I grew up in a small town, nothing fantastic or touristy about the place, I never had an opportunity to explore other towns or visit cool places. So on a faithful Wednesday in school, my friends and I planned a weekend trip to the oil state, Port Harcourt.  You should have seen my excitement, it was palpable, I couldn’t sleep properly that night I mauled over what excuse I could come up with in-order to make the trip. I tossed and turned all night and still came up with nothing, I decided to let my friends know the next day that this wasn’t going to work out for me, remember my family I mentioned earlier, well, my papa and mama won’t like the idea that a bunch of 20 year olds will be let loose in a big city like PH their daughter inclusive even though our plan involved one of my friends auntie chaperoning.

When we met up the following day after school, I broke the news, followed with cogent reasons of why I couldn’t go. One of my friends, just wouldn’t take no for an answer, she suggested that I use her as an excuse- how can you possibly help my situation? I asked in a calm voice not belying my confusion at the suggestion and how exasperated I felt about not going on the trip.

She looked at me with a glint in her eyes because she wears glasses and proposed I tell them that a friend of mine was getting married traditionally, she also went further to suggest that we all contribute money for the fabric so I could make the attire for the supposed traditional marriage. I felt a nervous chill run through my whole body, I didn’t know if it was from excitement or fear of doing something “bad” for the first time. I got home that day and broke the news of my friend’s traditional marriage to my parents and they took it rather well, I told them the “Aseobi” were for free so they wouldn’t make a fuss about spending money.
Up until recently, my mom always asked about my friend and her “hubby” I just had to put an end to that charade by telling her the truth, at least now I’m an adult I can get away with revealing the truth, I’m not going to be punished for a lie told many years ago, or so I thought, it should be noted that my mama didn’t take that bit of revelation very well.
The shenanigans we got up to as kids/teenagers/adults makes me wonder how tasking being a parent might really be, I would love a Pinocchio nose on all my kids, so once you tell a lie, it grows longer. One can only hope.

Have you ever told a white lie in order to have fun? If yes do share your experience in the comment box below, will really love to read them.

Thanks for reading!

No one wants to date the person no one else wants!
Read the above quote in a dating book once, I’ve actually read a couple of relationship books, some were helpful, some were full of crap and left me in a more twisted and confused state than I was before reading them. Don’t get me wrong, dating books are good but do we really need them to meet new potential dates? Finding Mr. Right in today’s world is solely up to you and chance in my opinion, I’ve also realized that there is no hard and fast rule to anything, things aren’t black and white anymore, those grey areas really does exist.

There are no perfect humans anywhere; some people find love in the craziest and weirdest place, some others in a hopeless place like that Rihanna’s song. I have heard some love stories of how couples met. Unexpected and unimaginable places, yet they found love just right there. So in the complete sense, to find love you have got to be real with yourself, stop being conscious of the fact you are looking for your other half. Your realness will attract the right person to you.
Just do your thing, love yourself first, find something tangible to do about your purpose here on earth, you just don’t know while doing this, love might find you just right there.

There are a lot of amazing stories about people finding love in their neighborhoods, through friends (that’s how I met my caramel coco by the way), place of worship, work place, night club, in a public bus, in hospitals, even as weird as this might be, you can meet your dream man/woman in the hospital, no matter what you are there for, I know you are sick, but you have got to talk to that special doctor or nurse, if you know what I mean. Other places people have met potential dates are at the ATM, the mall, and the gym and last but not least online dating. A lot of couples met online, Life is full of surprises. It would be quite tragic if you missed out on someone great because he or she didn’t arrive the way you expected.
It turns out; love may be waiting for us in places we least expect. It’s often not a case of going out and finding it – it can come to you. Don’t seek a relationship out of fear with reasons like loneliness, not wanting to be left on the shelf, conforming to society’s expectations, appeasing parents’ concerns, wanting to be loved, wanting to feel “complete”, wanting to have a partner to “show off” to friends, and not wanting to be the only single left among coupled friends. Instead go with love based motivations; it is better to date with reasons rooted in wholeness, betterment and authenticity.

I wish us all the best in our romantic endeavors.

Thanks for reading,

Happy Valentines!

When women reach a certain age, we tend to worry about a lot things including ways to keep our skin youthful but we most likely never considered that our hairstyle might be another culprit in aging us. So as we are fresh into the New Year, I would love to share some hairstyle ideas and inspiration that can leave you looking fresh faced while boosting your overall confidence in 2018. With no further ado let’s dive in:

1.     Go For Full-On Fringe
Fringe brings out a youthful look if they are on the fuller side rather than thin and wispy, which can age you, Bangs can be worn by anyone and are an easy way to make a dramatic hair change. Not to forget that a side swept fringe also slims your face.

2.     Consider Length and Layers

Who says that women of a certain age can’t wear full and bouncy long hair?  It's a common misconception that the older you get, the shorter your hair should be, Thick hair looks the most youthful at shoulder length or longer. To avoid weighing your hair down and achieving a younger look, I’ll recommend adding in subtle layers to give hair movement and volume. Our hair manufacturers already know this that’s why most hairs come with different lengths.

3.     Add color
This one is my favorite, I love highlights and color.
One of the quickest ways to create a more youthful look is to get warm-toned highlights. Colors like caramel, copper blonde and if you're on the lighter side, try a honey. Not only softens the face, but it also creates dimension and avoids a one-toned look, which can age you. For a low-maintenance approach to this, try dip-dyed tips or subtle highlights. 

    4.       Go for high ponytail

This style brings focus to what is called the triangle of youth. When we are young, our faces look like an upside-down triangle—with the widest part, stretching across the eyes and the point at the chin, a high ponytail recreates that triangle by drawing the eyes up and giving facial skin a gentle upward lift. No wonder Jennifer Lopez is always spotting one.

5.     A low ponytail.
A low ponytail also has the ability to draw upward and create a natural lift around the eyes and forehead. This pulled back look creates a subtle pull on the skin that lifts the cheeks and boosts the brow.

6.     Try a top knot.

This is another Jennifer Lopez favorite, Pulling up your hair like this literally lifts your face, and it also draws attention and flatters cheeks and eyes.
And there you have it a natural way to defy aging without injections and surgery.

Thanks for reading!
Happy New Year guys, Xo

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